You want to meet new people, and online dating looks fun and easy. But you’re sold on the idea that God will bring someone to you “naturally” — no online support needed. But while there’s nothing written in Scripture that says you can’t help the higher power with a little Internet power, many Christians frown on online dating.

“Some Christians mistakenly think that God designed one specific, perfect soul mate, and He will deliver said perfect soul mate via the UPS man to his/her doorstep if the lonely soul prays hard enough,” jokes Pastor Monty Wright of the Snoqualmie Valley Alliance Church in North Bend, WA. “But online dating is just another medium to meet people, kind of like a singles ministry at a church,” he continues. “People connect and meet there in a safe environment where they can get to know each other before taking the next formal step. Many online services do a great job of helping people narrow down the choices by looking for specific nonnegotiables, like religious preference.”

The benefits of online dating
Going online to look for dates also gives you the benefit of having to think hard about who you are and who you want to spend time with, because you have to write a profile and select some criteria beyond faith.
Browse Local Singles at Match.com
“Online dating can be the best way to get to know yourself more deeply,” explains Judith Wright, a Chicago-based life coach. “It can be a learning laboratory to see yourself with different people in different ways and to explore various types of people with different values and lifestyles. When you understand this second mindset, then [you get] many more insights into what you really want in life.”

Online dating also has other benefits, according to Pastor Monty:
  • You can quickly determine if other people’s goals are compatible with yours.
  • You can fathom the type and level of a date’s spirituality to see if it is a workable match.
  • You can get to know more about the person and his or her personality in a safe way (electronically) before meeting.
  • Many “we just don’t match up” scenarios can be ended early and without conflict.
  • You can test the waters and ask the hard questions in a safe environment (online) rather than face-to-face, where you may not have the courage.
The value of the buddy system
Admittedly, online dating can be a little scary, especially if you think your pastor or God himself is going to smite you for trying it. So remember there’s safety in numbers. Pastor Monty suggests “going through the process with a friend to talk through the different prospects out there. Ask a friend to help you see the areas that are blind spots for you. Accountability will add another layer of safety to the process.”

Getting comfortable with the process
“I was worried about what people at church might think if they found out I was using online dating,” admits Mary Catherine Benning of Philadelphia. “But I was also worried about remaining unattached forever. That wasn’t helping me find anyone to date.”

Sound familiar? Instead of feeling anxiety and pressure about dating, embrace being on your own. “Being single is not a disease!” Ms. Wright says. “It’s a wonderful opportunity to find out more about yourself and what matters to you, to define your lifestyle, to do things that are just for you, to become the best person you can possibly become. It’s your ‘job’ to use this special time of your life to explore, grow and discover what is possible.”

Tired of waiting for her Prince Charming to drop from the heavens, Benning decided to post a profile. “I mentioned how important my faith was several times and was clear that I wasn’t interested in anyone who didn’t share my religion or my values,” she says. “Sure, I’ve been contacted by some guys who weren’t good matches, but mostly I’ve met really nice guys who are true gentlemen.”

Margot Carmichael Lester lives in Carrboro, NC. She is the coauthor of Be A Better Writer and the author of The Real Life Guide to Life After College.


Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.