Most of us agree that having a sense of humor is critical to a great relationship, but what’s funny to one may not be so to another. So how do you begin to evaluate how your sense of humor meshes with that of the person you’re seeing?

Specifically, what’s a gal to do when the guy she’s dating has a broad, lad-magazine, slapstick mentality, while she likes nothing better than to curl up in bed with a cup of Earl Grey tea while having a giggle over a clever British novel? Let’s take a closer look.

The humor connection
No one doubts that it’s a great feeling to find someone who “gets” your sense of humor. Says Paul, 38, of Warwick, RI: “When I met Sue and she got my references to old Saturday Night Live skits — going back to the days of John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd — it was a wonderful thing. I felt like, I’ve found my girl!”

But it’s equally true that “in a relationship, humor can be a deal breaker,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn on Your Inner Light. “If one of you is too outrageous and the other is more formal and constricted, that can be a problem—and two Robin Williams-type personalities may be too much for one relationship.” But not to worry, Mandel says: “In most comedy teams, there’s one funny person and one straight person. In that same way, a couple can play to each other’s strengths and show each other off in a good light.” When your comedic senses clash
That’s fine, but what are your options when (say, after a long day at work) you just don’t feel like playing straight gal to your budding boyfriend’s raunchy comedy act? “I once dated a guy who was a TV reporter and loved attention,” says Jill from Houston. “He would haul out his not-bad Jack Nicholson impression at the drop of a hat. He would slick his hair back, do that Nicholson thing with his mouth and arch his eyebrows and say, ‘I always like a little [expletive deleted] after dinner.’ Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last very long.” Dave from Seattle had a similarly bad humor connection with Cheryl: “She was a beautiful woman, smart, and we had a great time. But she had this habit of embarrassing me in public—either by making me the butt of loud jokes or by standing up at restaurants and loudly saying things like, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Prince Charming?’ She thought it was hilarious, but I was beyond mortified. I broke up with her, but couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth about why.”

Is your comedic timing on or off?
April Masini, online advice columnist and author of Think and Date Like a Man, offers a handy four-point guide for determining, early on, whether you and your potential beau are compatible, humor-wise:

Situation #1: “If he makes a joke, and you're still waiting for the punch line long after the punch line’s been told, you could have a deal breaker on your hands.”

Situation #2: “If he makes a joke and you get it, but you don't think it's that funny, you can probably learn to live with it. Not everybody can be everything for everyone, and your partner doesn't have to be (and probably won't be) everything for you. The trick to a relationship is having enough of your needs met, and if he’s not particularly funny, laugh it off and enjoy the other things you like about him.”

Situation #3: “If he makes a joke and you laugh so hard your face hurts, but everything else isn't in place, make a list of his assets and liabilities. Include his sense of humor as an asset, but remember that it isn't everything.” On the other hand, if everything else is in place, don’t let him get away.

Situation #4: “If he's funny but a bit of a jerk otherwise, drop him like a hot potato. You can pay 20 bucks at a comedy club to get a good laugh without having to sit through dinner and a movie—or more.”

Whether to rush to judgment
It’s important, though, not to make any snap judgments (except, of course, when it comes to Situation #4). In that regard, Py Kim Conant, author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, offers a telling anecdote:

“Kimchi is a Korean staple food, a heavily-marinated cabbage-and-garlic dish that all Korean households have in their refrigerators and eat daily. When we were first dating, my American boyfriend came up with something he thought was very funny with my last name, Kim. He laughed so hard as he was telling his little joke that it took him about two minutes before he could say it clearly without cracking up, tears running down his cheeks. I waited, puzzled, to find out what was so funny. Finally, he said: ‘Since you’re Korean, you should change your name to Kim Chi.’ I was shocked and hurt, because he was insulting my culture."

However, once Kim pointed out to her boyfriend how inappropriate his joke was, he apologized profusely—and they wound up getting married. So keep that in mind if you meet your sweetie on April 1 and see a big pile of fake vomit next to your coffee mug. Despite the dumb-dumb joke, your date just might be a keeper.

Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.