Sad as it is to watch summer slip away, fall can bring an energizing attitude shift. It’s time to set some goals and get pumped up to make them real: Now’s the time to harness the back-to-school spirit that was ingrained in you during every September from your childhood. “Fall is a natural time to recharge your dating life, because we’re conditioned to begin new projects in September,” says Patti Feinstein, “America’s Dating Coach,” a Chicago-based relationship pro. Just as you did your homework during your school days, now it’s time to cram a bit if it’s true love you want to find in the months ahead. Our relationship-ready curriculum, below, will give you the skills you need to do just that. So get ready to read up, work hard, and get a great relationship before the semester’s over.

Assignment #1: Grade Your Relationship Readiness
You think you’re ready to settle in with someone for the long haul — but are you sure? This exercise will help you figure it out.

Step 1: For each statement, give yourself a check if you agree.
  • I’m done with “just fun;” I want to spend my time with someone I really connect with.
  • I’m in control of my life (that is, things are in order, I have no big issues distracting me, and I have time to devote to developing a good relationship).
  • I’m financially responsible.
  • I have a healthy social network of friends and family.
  • I have my own dreams and goals — aside from finding a long-term relationship.
Step 2: Review. If you didn’t agree with the first statement, you may not be ready to settle down just yet. “Sometimes people look for a long-term relationship just because they feel like they ‘should’ be in one,” says Jennifer Viemont, LCW, president of Deliberate Living, a Raleigh, NC-based coaching service that specializes in relationships. But be honest with yourself: if you’re not in that mindset yet, don’t rush it. Continue to date casually. Now, whether you’re looking for fun or The One, you can still benefit from the exercises that follow (think of it as a kind of advanced placement course). Look again at those other four statements and note any missing checks. Those are the areas to work on improving. Here’s why: “Like attracts like. Every person looking for a serious relationship should strive to be the kind of person he or she’d like to marry,” says Rachna D. Jain, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and life coach in Beltville, MD.

Assignment #2: Study Your Summer Romance History
Sipping margaritas outside, splashing around in a kayak: most summer activities make it easy to share amazing times with “just okay” dates. But if you’re looking for a real relationship now that fall is near, Jain recommends trying this exercise:

Step 1: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns. In the first, write down all of names of “fun” people you’ve dated. In the second, jot down the first word that comes to mind when you think of this person, and, in the last column, summarize — in just a couple of words — why this person wouldn’t be a good long-term partner for you (i.e., “selfish” or “too adventurous”). If you can’t think of a disqualifying trait for someone, explore the possibility of moving this relationship from fun to serious. If you are no longer dating that individual, consider the possibility of a fun type of person being a long-term prospect down the road. You just may open yourself up to a whole new pool of people.

Step 2: Get out a fresh sheet of paper and again divide it into three columns. In the first column, list all of the disqualifying descriptions from the previous exercise. Then, in the center column, identify the opposite, positive trait that you’d need from a long-term love. Example: If you listed “selfish,” define the characteristic that you desire in a partner. Maybe it’s “respectful of my feelings” or perhaps it’s “altruistic and caring.” In the third and final column, list people in your life who’ve possessed these positive traits. (They don’t need to be romantic relations; include family members, friends and coworkers, too.)

Now, summarize your findings: “I want a man/woman who is (positive trait) like (person/people who fit this trait).” Do this for all your traits, and focus on finding someone with these qualities. Ask yourself: Where would this kind of person be hanging out? Can my friends, relatives or an online dating site help me meet this kind of person?

Here’s why this exercise works so well: “The main shift from fun to long-term has to do with values and compatibility,” says Jain. This exercise not only forces you to define the values and qualities that are most important in a partner, but it also asks you to develop a game plan for seeking and reaching out to people with great potential.

Assignment #3: Edit Your Attitude
A few miserable mismatches can convince you that “all the good ones are taken.” Accurate assessment? We think not! You need to prevent your dating frustrations from sabotaging your success, says Tonja Evetts Weimer, MA, a relationship coach in Greenville, SC. Start with this exercise:

Step 1: Carry a blank note card for one week. When a “downer” dating thought (i.e., “There’s no one out there” or “Everyone my age is married with kids”) enters your mind, jot it down it down on the card.

Step 2: At week’s end, examine the negative thoughts you’ve recorded. Then, one by one, challenge them — in writing. Sample revisions: “There are 101 million single people in the United States; I may need to explore different approaches to meet the right one for me.” Or, “Everyone I hang out with is married with kids. I need to make an effort to meet new friends who are single and up for going out on Saturday nights.”

Step 3: Define alternative approaches for reaching your goal. Example: “I will tell two friends (name them specifically) that I’m looking to expand my social circle” or “I will join a softball league to meet a few new ‘going-out’ friends.”

Step 4: Refer to your card any time self-defeating thoughts about dating surface. Your goal is to infuse yourself — this fall and beyond — with a positive attitude toward dating. “A negative attitude holds you back, because you’ll view situations in ways that validate your beliefs,” says Viemont. If you think, “The only single people in my town are losers,” then you are bound to find faults with every person you do meet. What’s more, left to fester, a negative attitude can turn you into someone who’s not so fun to be around. On the other hand, keeping an open mind about the dating process can lead to more positive, proactive behavior — and (who knows?) maybe even a perfect match before the next “school’s out” season arrives.

Nicci Micco is a freelance writer who has contributed to Self, More and Men’s Health, among others.